"Marriage is sacred in Africa and beyond, because it solidifies relationship that enrich communities and nations by bringing new life and new hope. African cultures celebrates the coming of the rains, the first harvest and the birth of a child. Marriage is that cultural process which ushers in new life. It is a cherished and most celebrated rite of passage since the dawn of African civilization".
The above extract from a blog named " African Marriage" shows that, the importance of marriage institution can not be over- emphasised, as it has its roots and value in culture as well as theology . However, the marriage institution is somewhat in a state of dismal, as the rate of negative outcomes of marriage such as; divorce, single parenting,broken homes etc, have become unimaginably high. This however, maybe attributed to the fact that, nowadays, people engage in the union for wrong reasons.
A very beautiful lady will tell you she can't date an averagely rich man, not to talk of the poor. Lots of ladies do not end up getting married to persons whom they are truly in love with, but probably got married because "he is rich". The wealthy father will rather give out his daughter to the son his rich friend (conserving the wealth. Capitalist idea). Thereby resulting in "arranged marriage"(A type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party, rather than by each other). Which has an history of ending up in shambles. Lots of people are desperate to get married and when they realize some wrong things about their partner, they ignore them, hoping to work things out after marriage, which more often than not, never happens.
Many couples have the problem of incompatibility . There are quite lot of couples who can not do things in common. Many can't stand the life style of their partner, but yet they still engage in the union. Furthermore, many marriage fail this days, as a result of unrealistic expectations. It is unrealistic for anyone to expect marriage to be "problem-free". Unrealistic expectation is a major cause of divorce. Many couples become discouraged when they discover that marriage is not what they have envisioned it to be. Also, some people unrealistically expect to get more out of marriage than they expect to get more out of marriage than they have put into it.
Infidelity, is one of the most common and major problem married couples face nowadays. As participating in extramarital affair has become a norm in this contemporary world. Thereby constituting a greater percentage of divorce cases. The point is, many couples have caught their partners cheating several times, but still go ahead with the marriage. This is wrong, as trust is the foundation of any relationship. A relationship without trust is just like a building without foundation, it will collapse in no time!. These and many more are the wrong reasons why people go into the sacred union of marriage, which inform the reason why marriage these days has become more or less like dating, where you can break up and make up as you deem fit.
On the receiving end however, are the children of this kind of unfortunate interruption of the union. As those children suffer mentally, physically, and emotionally. Psychologists have reported that children from divorced homes are "more likely" to become divorced themselves. They suffer what psychologists termed parental absence, which according to Amato (2000) "is usually the main cause of any effect on children. This is because of the less of time, assistance and affection provided by the non-custodial parent".Later in their life, they will be subjected to the tension of choosing sides between parents (Which is inevitable as they will never leave the parent who stood by them in all situations) Thereby making them go through series of periods of depression.
As a student who studies sociology at the better by far institution (Unilorin). And who has passed through several series of social psychology classes, most notably under the tutorledge of the great lecturer himself Dr O.A Fawole. Interpersonal attraction is a topic that I have internalised, and as such, there are concepts inherently embedded there in the topic that could help couples out there in determining whether or not they want to go into a relationship. To avoid their marriage life being short lived. Essentially, interpersonal personal attraction is the attraction between people which leads to friendships and romantic relationships (Dating, courting, cohabitation and marriage).
The following are the concepts there in; Physical attractiveness, Propinquity effect, Reciprocal likening as well as Similarity and complementarity. All this are factors which if on the positive side, a person develops positive attitude towards another, which makes them develop any relationship of their desire. However, it is important to note that, even after marriage, all these various factors should still be up hold. This is demonstrated below.
Propinquity: Rowland miller's opinion on propinquity is that "the more we see and interact with a person, the more likely he or she is to become our friend or sexual partner". The twist now is that after marriage, can u handle a distance relationship?. Are you the type that cherish attention, but u desire a man that works in the united states and visits Nigeria once every six months?. Physical attractiveness: are you really attracted to your spouse to be? Are you only interested in the union because of a particular thing he or she posses(Probably money)? What if he or she ceased to posses that desired attribute? Will you be able to endure and stay?.
Reciprocal likening :This can be explained as the situation whereby the affection is not one-sided. In other words, as you show your affection to an individual, he or she reciprocates. This is what makes you go into the relationship initially. There is an assumption that people gets to love each other more especially after marriage. You might want to think twice before falling for that. As yours might not be the case.
Similarity and Complementarity: Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to be contradictory on the surface (Posavac, 1971). But "the importance of similarity and complementarity may depend on the stage of the relationship. Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarity assumes importance as the relationship develops overtime. (Vinacke, Shannon, Palazzo,Balsavage, et-al,1988).
Similarity emphasises the notion "birds of the same feather flocks together". It has to do with what the couples have in common. Do you have the same life style? Do you have simiilar goals and objectives to achieve in life? Is your spouse from a familiar ethnicity?. Of course its good to practise exogammy. as it is sociological. Because it makes you understand and appreciate other people's culture. But marriage and sociology are two different things. The point is, is the culture alien to you or is it the one you yourself know you won't be able to endure?.
Complementarity: In this context, simply put, is the ability of partners to come together in order to complement each other's weaknesses. Are you the temperamental type that wants to go into a relationship with a person of the same attitude? ( That's lightening during bomb strike). Are you bad with domestic chores, and you notice your partner is bad as well?. A drunkard going for a drunkard? Or are you a club girl who met your gangster spouse at the club? Believe me, you won't last.
 |
| MEET THE SCHOLAR |
Written by:
ABIOYE ABDULAZEEZ OLUMIDE (A. K. A Hon heyzed)
Nice
ReplyDeleteThanks and You are welcome sir
ReplyDelete